They Make Larry Craig Look Like Billy Graham

What the hell? Remember the good ole days when a celebrity affair was classy? One man with a nagging wife. One whore with Daddy issues. In the really interesting cases, there was a Senator blowing a 17 year-old page or tap dancing in the Minneapolis Airport bathroom. Ah, simpler times. Nowadays, when the news breaks that a celebrity has cheated, it immediately turns into a clown car of sluts--each with a more intricate story than the one before. Tiger Woods had 12 mistresses and Jesse James had 4, and those are just the ones we found out about. Tiger was with a porn star. Jesse was with a neo-Nazi white supremacist. Reille Hunter did a photo-shoot dressed like Jenna Jameson at church. There's no dignity to it anymore. No discretion. Marilyn Monroe, the country's biggest movie star, in all likelihood had an affair with JFK, America's most beloved President until Black Jesus...I mean Obama. And to this day, we can't be sure, because that pill-head and Bullseye McGee knew how to keep their mouths shut. Just the thought of it makes me nostalgic.