I'm the White Oprah

I'm the white Oprah for two reasons: 1) I participated in meatless Mondays once about 2 weeks ago. If you're unfamiliar with this, it's a simple concept: for health benefits, you go without meat one day a week, and since Monday provided alliteration, that was the day they chose to abstain. As any meat-eater might guess, it freaking sucks. It especially sucks for me because my diet is built on four food groups: meat, bread, cheese, and sugar. But I suffered through it, and through my triumph of the human spirit, I survived, and now I'm just like Oprah because this is something she pretends to do while sneaking hot wings in her dressing room...allegedly.

The other reason that I'm the white Oprah has to do with my tax refund. Remember that episode a few years ago when both Oprah and her audience were more ridiculous than usual because she gave everyone in the studio a free car? And then the clip that was played on all the news programs and parodied on countless shows was the clip of Oprah pointing at people individually and screaming "And you get a car! And you get a car! And you get a car!" and all the soccer moms and the old ladies and the gays in the audience were holding each other and jumping up and down and crying. It was event television.

Anyways, I got my federal tax refund yesterday, so now I get to point to Express, Discover, my roommate who I owe for utilities, and my friend who paid for our beach rental for Memorial Day, and I get to scream at them: "And you get a check! And you get a check! And you get a check!" I'm hoping for the same reaction of Oprah's audience, but only time will tell.